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Howdy. This is the third time I've written this same passage today. So you all had damn well better appreciate it and laugh your asses off or I will... not... be very good-like. I saw Star Wars Episode 2 today. It was really great. I liked the special effects and graphics. It was no Episode 4 with those Quiafdas that you could tell were really those silly little guys from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It was during the stock market crash of 1929 and everyone was looking for work. That was when George Lucus, a rather huge man with a dream, offered those jolly orange faced guys a job in his multi-hundred dollar movie. Those guys had a mojor role in the film, playing nearly all the minor parts (that doesn't include Chewey, who was played by a young and hairy Robin Williams). They were later replaced by an army of Al Gore droids, which will make an appearance as themselves in Episode 3, Gore's Galactic Government. Their catch phrase will be the millions of droids chanting "I invented government" in unison. It will be the most choco-rific movie I've ever had my way with.
My dogs are soooooooo gay! I swear to Joe! It was so funny! They both himp each other and lick each other. It's terrible. But the worse part happened the other day. Checkers, the big one, was just standing in the family room when Bandit, the little one, came up from behind him. He went through Checker's legs and started licking Checker's penis! I couldn't believe that Bandit had just given Checkers a Doggy Blowjob! It was great. I wish you all were there. Maybe when I advance the technology included on this site, I'll put a video of them making their doggy love.
Why won't you eat my green eggs and ham?
Why won't you eat them, Sam I am?
Won't you eat them on a log,
Can you eat them with a frog?
Or perhaps you'd like them with a dog?
I don't like your green eggs and ham,
I do not like them, Sam I am.
I would not eat them on a log,
I cannot eat them with a frog!
I do not like them with a dog.
I do not want any green eggs and ham,
I do not like them, Sam I am.
This poem confused the hell out of me when I first heard it when I was three. But it all made sense when i learned that green eggs and ham was just another way to say boobs and private parts. I never before guessed that Sam was gay, but then everything changes when you know what it really means.
This morning we killed some rats living in my attic. I don't understand how they could have gotten there. I can't imagine it would be too easy for them to get up there. But anyway, we set two big rat traps and used peanut butter for bait. We got the crappy traps with the plastic bait hook, so it was hard for my dad to set them. He'd let go and the trap would go flying into the air. I didn't want to touch the mother fucker, those things were huge compared to our little mouse traps. He did finally set them in the attic. When we checked them this morning we found two very dead rats. I hope that's all of them, because I'd hate to kill more of them. At least I'm not like Chris who goes around shooting squirrels' eyes out and watching them jump off the branches. That's really terrible.
I read this quote today:
"I'm sorry Jesus had to die for my sins and I swear to God it won't happen again"
Can you guess who said that? Email me and give me the answer, and you may win yourself a cookie, or the grand prize, a lifetime supply of sand, supplied to you by the makers of sand.
I'm proud of you guys! You actually did what I told you to do! Imagine that! I can't believe that you not only voted 10 times on the poll, you went the extra mile and voted 13 times... Man this is a great moment in RE: GOOD STUFF. It means that I have complete control of your minds! Isn't that great? Well, let's see... I guess I'll have you all just go down to the beer joint and pick up a few cold ones. And while your at it, could you get some Mary-J from that stripper that looks like a guy, except he has boobs? Thanks a lot!
I am so tired. I've been working all day, and I'm not done yet. Later I'm going to to the office to get some work off my desk. I never thought I'd say that. Well, I guess things are changing around here. I've gotten my driving permit, growing hair where no hair was before and losing it too, getting taller, getting smellier, getting fatter, getting laid (just kidding). I guess I'm getting older, and it just... makes me wanna... cry! I just can't take it anymore. Pretty soon I'll be driving on my own (Joe forbid). Well, it doesn't really matter much anyway, I mean you guys don't read this section anyway. I know you guys too well.
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