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Howdy again, and welcome to a brand spanking new week of RE: GOOD STUFF! I hope you enjoyed the first week of this newsletter and will stick around for another, and another, and another. If you don't, I might just have to say wush.
My girlfriend is a newsletter slut! I found out that she's been reading another newsletter! Can you believe that? It just nearly broke my heart. I wanted to just destroy all Japanese people because of their damn work-a-holicness. It just pisses me off, like those communist Nazi bastards. I hope they all burn in hell. That reminds me of the time I saw someone naked. It was my mommy. What are you doing to daddy, I asked her. She just kept hurting him. It made me cry. I like dinosaurs.
Are you a student between the ages of 6 and 18? Do you have Erectile Dysfunction, sometimes called ED? Are you balding in places that just recently grew hair? Does your skin have scales on it? Do your parents call you freak, reptile, or swamp-thing? Do your friends include the dog next door, the neighbor's alligator, and all those dead birds you collected? Do you want to be a doctor, and practice on your brother with your "Lil' Surgeon Kit"? Is your favorite color clear? Does your invisable weed wacker friend tell you kill as many people as you can? Are you trying to build up an immunity to rat poison? That isn't good. Maybe you should see a doctor. Or, join the circus. I hear they like freaks.
How's it goin'? Ya'll havin' a good day? That's good. I didn't get to go to CATCOM today because of that stupid trip they're taking. Now I don't know how long I'm going to have to wait to go. Isn't that great? Now I can't even make Courtney's cd commercial. That sucks.
So, you think you know Joe, huh? Well, you don't know diddly. Did you know that he was born and raised by a group of wild Native Americans who fed him a bunch of crap they threw into a big indian pot to see what it made. He also had a liking for paint chips. The most influential paint chips were first produced by the Irish coming to America after the Irish Potato famine. Another famous Irishman was Squanto. He tought the British how to defeat the Americans in the Great War (a.k.a. the Grand Rights of East America The, the G.R.E.A.T. war) in Normandy, New Hampshire. The best place to eat in New Hampshire is a little place called Mah-ma's Slah-mah's. The poles that support the roof, and there are a lot, are very elegant.
In Conclusion, America should have won the Vietnam war because it struck so close to home. I mean, My Grandma is Vietnamese, yeah, Vietnamese yeah. She eats those rice and beans, yeah. It's just like President Kennedy once wrote to his wife during the war, "send more pictures."
What have ya'll been doing lately? Today, We got to see barbies get splattered into the ground. We got our G.I. Joe to go to the "Thrill" distance above the ground. One person didn't tie the bungee cord to the doll, so she fell right into the ground. It was great! It made a big thud when it hit. After we were done, Mr. Frewin let us take a second jump, which didn't count for any points. We tied the cord to Joe's head and pulled his pants down, so he would be hanged in the traditional army way. Well, Josh didn't hold onto the cord like I told him to, so Joe fell to the ground and his leg broke off. It was funny. By the time we were done, both his legs were off. It was great.
Today I went to my neighbor's funeral. He was a nice guy. It was a military funeral because he fought in World War II. Man, it's a sight, that huge field with all the in-ground burial stones. The service was nice and I think he can rest in peace.
Man, it's funny. You know, you expect everyone to be somber when you go to a funeral. Before the services, the women were gosipping about who was there and their relation to the dead. Then came the talk about things that were going on in our lives. My other neighbor was talking to me about how his lawnmower wasn't working. This was right in the little chaple they had there. I don't know, it just seems to me that really you shouldn't talk very much, but most everyone did. Seemed alright to them.
Today a building exploded in New York. That's already happened. We want NEW news, not news that has ALREADY HAPPENED!!! I swear, it's like these terrorists are running out of ideas or something. "Let me see, what can I do today," they say to themselves, "I guess there's nothing better than blowing myself up!" It is shit! One thing these guys lack is creativity. I could finger paint better than them. Maybe it's because I still have all my fingers, but it's still sad. On that note, I'm sorry for the person who marked on the poll that the Palestinians are the good guys in the middle east. It was my very own gork that did it. I apologize again for anyone that was offended or wanted to hurt her. Don't worry, she's going to get the paddle tonight, I'll see to that!
So, what else has happened lately? Let's see, the German Club went out to Daytona Beach. Ha, I've never seen a bigger group of dorks. It's terrible when they migrate like that, it triggers a big advantage that the preps have. We must get rid of this advantage by putting cardboard cut-outs of those gone so they won't notice the difference. Yes, they do notice when I dress up to go to a funeral, but won't notice when we replace some of our own with cardboard. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing: I was thinking that those do make you look like a whore. No, changing there would just make you look more like a whore who's advertising.
So, how's everything going with you? Today was ok, except for going through a makeover. It wasn't my decision, trust me! It all started at lunch when Kira put a "bow" in my hair. Then I wanted to see it, so Bela got out a Compact and I tried to look at it. Well, all the crap in the compact fell out onto the table, where Kira picked it up and put it on my face. Screaming NO and DON'T didn't help. So, I picked up a bottle and started hitting Kira on her head. Didn't help either. Even worse, Bela started to give Kira more of the crap when she was running down. Well, I've had enough of that. See if I sit there again Monday. I probably will, but I just like threatening them.
There was another school shooting in Germany today. It seems that the problem is worse there than it is here, which is weird. They've had something like 6 or 7 shootings related with school since '98. They're the ones the have a legal drinking age of 14, and drivers licence age at 18. It seems strange to me. But then, that's right! I forgot, pardon me. Well, everyone knows that evil is bred in Germany, so if actually makes sense now. I mean, think about it: World War I, Hitler, World War II. How much more proof do you need? It seems logical that they would have the kind of people that would do that stuff.
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