RE:
GOOD STUFF

This Week's Newsletter

The week of May 26, 2002

Sunday, May 26, 2002

 The best part about the holiday weekend is that I get to do nothing, all weekend long. Isn't it great, nothing I mean? I think it is. Until I get lonely. Then I feel all alone, as if no one else was there...

 I worked all day yesterday. I started off the day mowing a lawn in Shore Acres. After lunch I mowed another lawn. Then I got ready to work concession stands at Northeast Little League. When I went, the games were all over. The guy I was supposed to work for gave me the wrong game time, or something. Dumbass. But it gave me a chance to rest, before having to go to work. I went into the office to clear off some papers from my desk. Well, I thought I'd be there a couple hours. It turned out we stayed until ten o'clock at night. Man, I was so tired when I got home. But I found no peace there either. I had to put up with my brother and his dumbass friend. All day he was using one of those breath mint sprayers. It turns out that it had nothing but water in it. I can't believe how stupid the kid was. He was using that thing all night to get a drink of water! I think he needs to get a life. Even I have one, now.

Monday, May 27, 2002

 Yesterday I went to the Super Wal-Mart on US 19. It seriously scared me. The place is built like a stadium, and could probably hold half the city's populace. That's only the half of it. They have employees that just stand at the door to greet you, and give you shopping cart. The place has 36 checkout lanes, it's own post office, a bank, a deli, a gas station, an eye doctor... and many other things that I've forgotten about. It reminds me of the Smithsonian, where they say you could walk around for a week and still not see all of it. It's madness that a company could build a place like that in the first place, and keep the shelves stocked. You'd need an army to fill all the positions! In the car I told my parents that white trash shop there. They went off on me saying that it's a good place to save money. They used the example of a mother with 4 or 5 children. It would be easier to just get everything at one place. So I told her, "Well, think about the kind of people that would have four or five kids—Catholics." My dad loved that joke, but my mom is soooooo conservative. She doesn't like the Simpsons, Family Guy, or The Drew Carey Show, and just about anything else that Fox shows. I believe that she considers the T.V. evil. But then, who doesn't.

 You know what's a good song? Your Horoscope for Today, by Weird Al. That is a really great guy. I look up to him as one of the great comics of his time. Yeah, he may be a freak, but who isn't nowadays. My horoscope says that I'm going to fall out of a window, and work on my self esteem, you stupid freak, me. It's a great song.

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

 Guess what my brother brought home and put on the kitchen table? A book that is titled Puberty and Stuff. What kind of "stuff" could they possibly put in this book that has to do with puberty? What is puberty, anyway? Is it that point in every young man's life when they have to make the decision of which car they want to buy? No, my brother is too young to buy a car. Then what could this "puberty" be? If you want to find out, just check out your local library or link to this porn site. Oh, wait. That's right. I can't put any porn sites because Ms. Ashley Miller has NetNanny, so it'll get her caught. Well, too bad for all you guys. Goddamnit, if you want it that much, you can go looking for it your fucking self!

Friday, May 31, 2002

 I got my first paycheck today! Woo Whoo! Go Joe! Oh yeah! Well, I don't want to brag, so I won't tell you how much FUCKING MONEY I FUCKING MADE in two FUCKING WEEKS!!! What makes it even sweeter is the... well, it's already pretty sweet, isn't it? I guess I should just be noble and not talk about ALL MY FUCKING MONEY anymore.

 So, what is everybody going to do over summer? I've already got a job at Raymond James, as you know. Let me give you some suggestions of where you could get a job this summer:

  1. Be a prositute! The pay is good, and you get to wear leather! Name another job where you can do that!
  2. Be a bag boy! The pay is minimum wage, but hey, who cares because people shout at you because their bread was smashed or all the eggs broken.
  3. Be a hobo! The pay is whatever you happen to find on the ground, and whatever money you can get from the guy in the car that you intentionally got hit by.
  4. Be a sewer rat! The pay is whatever people flush down the toilets! It isn't just shit these days! There's enough hair to make toupees for an entire army of veterans!
  5. Be a Port-o-Potty cleaner! They don't pay you, but rather dip you in the shit if you don't work, but it's still lot's of fun!
  6. Finally, Work at RE: GOOD STUFF! I won't pay you, but give you a pat on the back and say good work! You'll also get the pleasure of knowing you made a difference in the lives of some young kid who's thinking about suicide. You might be the one he turns to then, and it's your responsibilty to tell him these very important words that, if not said, may make him commit suicide. Those words are... What was that, Mom? I've gatta go, sorry. It's not important anyway!

 I am going to miss you guys so much! It was all I could think about all day and yesterday. Especially after seeing Rewind. I hate to say this, but I am going to miss school. Not all the homework or dumbass teachers *Cough-DICUS-Cough*, but you all, my friends. I am thankful to Joe that I have all of you to support me as I go from being a Freshmen God to Sophomore God. Thank you, I love you all! Please, no loving in return, I don't want to get messy.

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