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These are some old questions that people have emailed me. If you want to email me, my email address is regoodstuff@hotmail.com.
P.S. Go to Who is Joe? to find out why this section is titled "Ask God."
If you are a self-proclaimed Atheist then how are you god? An Atheist is a person who denies the existence of god, yet you are god. So do you deny yourself?
Mike
An Atheist is a person who denies the existance of god, true. But I am god, therefore the former is now the later and the damn Communists are now my followers, which sucks. Did you know that that my monitor says it has 480,000 pixils, and yet I counted only 479,994? They jipped me a full 6 pixels! Those pixil-stealing Nazi racist Bastards! So, does that answer your question?
Joe
Many people have prophisised the end of the world and
it has yet to come. When do you think the end will
come?
God's Gork
Aislinn
Well, the end of the world is an interesting subject. A friend of mine once said, "If the end of the world was tomorrow, I'd kill myself today." I asked him why. He said that he couldn't take the end of the world if it ever came. This went on for quite a while. Then he bagan rebuilding his nest, so I left him and his chicks alone. I believe that when the world comes, I will know it, since I'm god. So, I wouldn't bother worrying about it, until I start having weird visions of a terrible holocost. No, the last time I saw that, it was just the acid. So if I see it again, while I'm not high, drunk, or stoned, that is when you worry. Hope that answers your question!
Joe
I thought really hard about what to ask you. I couldn't come up with anything good, but I figured you could screw around with this one: Where do babies come from?
Josh
Well, little Joshie, let me tell you a story about a girl named Yo Moth Er. She really liked this guy that always felt her up. His name was Yor Day Tee. These two would go out and have what we call today "Conseptation" in the back of Yor's car. Now, it might have been a crappy honda, but Yo Moth Er didn't care, all she wanted was to go down on Yor Day Tee. She got her chance too, yes she did. Then Yor went off to war and was never seen again. They say he died a great hero, though he was sanitation officer and died when he choked on some chicken that he found floating in what the British call a Lou, or Jon. These contraptions were mighty fascinating to the Hippies of the '60s, who used only the outdoors as their bathroom and trees as their homes. Yes, they lived like monkeys, but the human race was very ape-like at the time of the dinosaurs. In fact, instead of using machines and engines like we do today, they used dinosaurs to do all the hard work. This was documented in the popular TV show "The Flinstones". And that is the story of how "The Flinstones" came to be. I hope that answered your question!
Joe
deer gawd,
i want a nu bicikel for crismus. i been eckstra gud this yeer. ah
didn'ut keoll nobahdy or nawthin. ah evin warshd mah hainds aftr i wint
ta the toylett. ah reely bin gued. thankee mutch, mistar eester bunah.
an' hapie than's givah.
luv, meestr uh... jawst miesterr.
pee es: kiep dat guwd assid shiet cawmin... heh heh...
Well, little timmy, or should I say ELISE!!! I caught you in the act of impersinating a Ghation, or someone born in the ghetto. What is the punishment for this crime of crimes? Simple... DEATH! You thought GOD would not notice your evil doings? Well, I guess he's not as much as a dumbass as he was when he started doing that thing with the hair and the... DOH!
Joe
If you are god, what does that make Aislinn?
Dani Halpern
St. Petersburg High
Let me begin by saying thank you to you to Dani for replying to this thing. But, I must counter that with a St. Pete High sucks. It is the crappiest school on earth. I cannot think of a worse place to go to school. I can't imagine why anyone would want to go there(unless you are forced against your will to go there. In that case, I'm very sorry). I can sum it up in one word, "Shittiestschoolonthewholefuckingplanet." Now, where were we? Oh, yes, if I am Supreme God of the Atheist Universe, what does that make Aislinn. Well, that is a very simple question. You see, God is all knowing and all powerful, which is what makes it a simple question. Now, the answer to that question is that she wouldn't be quite as powerful a God as me, but a God none the less. Why is she not as powerful as me, you may ask? Well, that's simple too. It's because:
1) She goes to the "Shittiestschoolonthewholefuckingplanet."
2)
I could beat her up in a fight(though I'd never do it, I swear to Joe).
c)She
is so damn beautiful, it just wouldn't be fair to make her as powerful and
all-knowing as me.
So, the next time you think of messing with god, think about his demigod by his side, and you're not likely to try and get the both of us at the same time. So, ha!
Joe,
Word at school is that I'm a whore. Hey, I can't help it. I mean, how
else am I supposed to pay for my 5 firari's? Anyway, business has been pretty
crappy lately, my pimp just isn't doing his job like he should? What should I
do?
The Tuesday Night Whore
Well, I think you should respect your pimp a little more. Instead of trying to COVER HIM WITH MAKEUP, you might want to say, "Joe, I mean pimp-daddy, I think you are a great guy and I wanted to thank you for what you are doing. I'm sorry I put make-up all over you, the herpes must have been messing with my mind. Anyway, I'm just a slutty whore, so what do I know? Sorry." That is what you should say to me, I mean him. That would be a good start.
What do you think of Madeline Murray O'Hair? After all, she was the lady who
started all the Atheist crap (Atheists of America), and went to the U.S. Supreme
Court to ban school prayer. Also, what do you think of Pope John Paul II and
the sex scandel in the Catholic Churcn?
Matt
Well, I think Mrs. O'hair, or whatever, should be very proud for removing all that dirty prayer. I swear, prayer hasn't helped anyone unless they're dying of cancer or something. But it never helps for any of the important stuff: like a new bike, a girlfriend, a chance to get laid, you get the idea. I swear, that god just doesn't pay attention to anyone down here, why should we care about "praising" him? Now, about all those church scandles. I think those guys are sick bastards that touch those little boys. I mean, in the class pictures of those boys, there are perfectly good girls that are standing right next to them. I guess those guys didn't have their glasses on when they were frisking those children, or else they would have realized that they were doing this to a boy and not a girl. Man, that's some screw up! Pope John Paul's a nice guy. I think I met him once. That was the same time that I saved his life when someone shot at him and I took the bullet in my right shoulder. That was the most honor I've ever gotten from taking a bullet for some other person. No, wait. That one I took for John F. Kennedy was pretty honorable too. Of course the other two shots from the grassy knoll killed him, but I did my best. I mean, I can't be everywhere at once!
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