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This is my journal from Mrs. O'Brien's 1st period class. She was the teacher everyone wishes they have. She would never get too angry, even after we never did any work and goofed off most of the time (I think we made her cry several times). I've chosen the best of my entries to go onto this site. She gave us optional topics to write about. I hardly ever used them, and when I did I never stuck to what she had intended us to write about. I've edited them somewhat so they make more sense and are funnier. I hope you enjoy!
Mrs. O'Brien wasn't here yesterday because she was having incredably hot sex with her husband. It started when they woke up. He started nibbling on her ear. Suddenly she noticed she was feeling very horny. She quickly sent her children to their bus stop and ran back into bed, undressing as she ran. They were in bed all day and locked the door when their children came home. They told their children they were under quarentine because of something the both of them had come down with, and wouldn't be able to come out until morning. But, eventually they had to open the door and break the "quarentine" because it was becoming just too hot. They later ate sausage for dinner.
During the 30 second kneal (a prayer session where everyone kneals on the
ground, the resource officer came upon the group bowed
down in front of Mrs. Foley's class. He shouted, "Holy Shit!!!" and pulled
out his revolver. "I'm gonna hafta ask all of you to unslasp your hands and stand
up, or I'll get nasty all over your dirty Christian asses!"
CONTINUED...
Everyone in the group stood up. Everyone that is, except for Tara. She sat on the ground next to the officer's feet. "Get the hell up!" he shouted. She opened one eye just enough to look at him, but quickly closed it and kept on praying. BAM!!! The shot rang out through the school. Tara collapsed onto the ground, a bullet in her head. When asked why he did it, the resource officer said simply, "She was going to sick her God on me."
We have started an experiment which involves Mrs. O'Obrien's 1st period class.
We have captured them and erased their memory, so they all have the minds of 4 year
olds. This procedure was not necessary for the one called Kevin. We then placed
them all in the former Ape habitat at the zoo. It was empty because of our other
similar experiment in which we had to kill all the apes. But anyway, on the first
day in their new habitat, all the students proceded to take off their clothing.
CONTINUED...
Day 2:
They have adapted to their habitat and have begun to build primative houses
out of the branches of trees around them. They have seperated into 2 groups, the
first consists of Josh Gotlieb... and the second has everybody else. Josh has been
seperated from the rest of the group, aparently because of his annoying nature.
I interrupt this report for a news break. At the headquarters of the Florida Department of Education, a small boy with a heavy backpack walked in the front door, and proceeded to blow himself up. The 200 pounds of plastic explosive contained in his backpack killed 47 and injured another 100, possibly more. This kind of warfare began back in Viet-Naam when mothers and fathers would put bombs on their children and send them into an American base. This tactic is still used today by those hairy middle eastern bastards, also known as Palestinians. This is the first case of a "suicide" bombing in the United States, although the boy was told that when he pressed the button he was not told he would die, on that he'd get to see God. I have yet to meet the kid.
I would like to say something to all of you. All the violence that everyone would like to inflict upon Mrs. Norwid is terrible. I would not want to see her suffer for hours on the floor, bleeding to death. It's too damn messy. Why not just hang her? First you hit her with a blunt object and knock her out. Then hang her with all the crap we have in the ceiling, or just bury her alive. Either way, there's very little evidence of any crime, she just dissapears!
Christianity has pissed me off! So many rules just to go to heaven when you
die. Well, guess what Jesus, you can kiss my ass because I don't care anymore.
I have to get Confirmed or else my Grandparents would die. I don't want them to
die, so I'm going through the piece of shit Confirmation. But as soon as I'm done,
I'm going to convert to Judism. And as soon as I'm done with that God, I'm going
to convert to Hindu.
Little did I know that one day I would become God of my own religion...
A Woman is talking into a camera.
Woman: I have a terrible migrane headache. I just took some Advil, but that'll take some time to work, and I want relief now. That's why the makers of Advil have created Advilocane. Just one snort of this powerful, mind-altering narcotic and you'll be too high to feel any pain at all...
She sniffs several lines of Advilocane.
Woman: Listen to dis person fixer-up-er guy. He know what he talk 'bout.
A doctor appears on the screen with a huge pack of papers in his hands
Doctor:Advilocane is a deadly mixture of advil, cocaine, and bean-o. According to my findings, published in the New England Journal of Illicit Drugs, shows that 57% of patients that use it experienced serious side effects. Those include seizure, brain hemhorrage, coma and eventually death. One of my patients exploded after taking a few snorts. Though he was a fat guy, and the bean-o probably aggrivated his gas, I still think that this is some dangerous shit and should not be taken by anyone.
A guy behind the camera speaks up.
Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But does it get rid of migranes quick?
Doctor: Well, yes, as well as feeling to your lower body.
Back to the woman.
Woman:(uncontrolable laughter with some "Why can't I stop laughing" mixed in.)
A voice can be heard over her laughter
Voice: Try Advilocane, available from your local drugstore.
Blood can be seen flowing from the woman's nose.
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